What Ethnicity Are You? (The Role Racism Has Played in My Life)

This year has brought out so much warranted hurt and anger. Even as I write this, I find myself being very cautious because this topic is so touchy. I don't want to hurt anyone but I am here on this earth to share my experience and hopefully inspire a few people along the way. So here it goes...

Racism is nothing new in America, but watching the events that have taken place the past few years has been a hard pill to swallow. Trump wins the election and the amount of people that support this man has taken many by huge surprise. Unfortunately, I have grown up around people that stand for the ignorance he spews. 

What ethnicity am I? I am Chinese, Black, Equadorian and White. My father is mixed and my mother is full chinese. On the other side of the spectrum, my step father is a white man. His family is from rural Wyoming and most members are republican. My mother pretty much molded into the family she married into. The embracing of culture was non-existent growing up. This lead me to be very confused throughout my life in terms of what I actually stood for and how far I go to stand for it. 

As a child, there is more than a handful of occasions that I heard ignorant remarks from my step family members that I knew weren't right. A few examples:

  • "You have a lot of rap albums for someone who doesn't like black people"
  • "Im so amazed to see so many black people, I remember when they couldn't use the same bathrooms as us"
  • "Im not racist, I have a lot of black friends...and they all cheat on their wives!"

 I said nothing. A small part of me would die every time. I would even walk into the other room to have a private cry so I didn't "offend" anyone. Even as a child without a strong sense of self and culture, I was very sensitive towards the topic of race. Because I knew my mother and step father would not defend me if I spoke up for what was right; I stayed quiet. Not having a feeling of safety from the people who are supposed to teach you to be proud of who you are is crushing. Because they were so afraid of confrontation, I adopted that same approach.

It wasn't until I hit about eighteen that I started having a voice in the matter. All hell broke lose one night when a family friend stayed the night with his family. He is a CHP officer. The type of officer we try to avoid these days because of their closed minded views. He decided to use the word we all know should NOT be coming out of a white mans mouth. I finally stood up for myself in a non threatening manner and my step dad came out the wood works and defended him. I have never felt so alone in my life. As my mother just sat there quietly and watched; all I could do was cry with fury and frustration. I became angry after that night. Really angry. 

For a long time I felt like racism was embedded in all white people. I would over analyze every word coming out of the persons mouth like it was only a matter of time before they slipped. If I would have continued to walk through life with this crippling perspective I would have missed out on many beautiful connections and life long friendships. Yes, there are people on this earth that I will never vibe with. I will never understand their views or twisted morals. -I choose not to waste my energy on those humans. 

We must remember that their digressive ways of thinking all come from a lack of love. They were taught from people who also lacked love. We as conscious people are placed here to progress. This presidential let down has shown us that we are not the majority in America, like we may have assumed. 

So what do I do to cope when my mindset shifts back to my old paradigm? I try kindness. Spreading kind energy into the world raises the frequency of the person giving and receiving it. Saying hello and smiling to the people you lock eyes with, holding doors for people and giving compliments to strangers are actions that raise my frequency. Quick story: I walk around the Pasadena Rose Bowl some mornings. I would give a rough estimate of about 150 other people walking this path as well. There is a woman who says hello to EVERYONE with a huge smile on her face. Her energy radiates like no other. She gives me hope, and a warm feeling in my heart. 

How are you guys coping? Leave a comment below. Let's get some positive dialogue going. We're definitely not alone here.

 

Baby Tai

Baby Tai